Sunday, October 28, 2012

The Hockey Game Phoebe

I step onto the ice for the 3rd period. My sharp edges cut against the ice making a sound that echoes throughout the rink.  The whistles blows. Getting into position, I here my coach yell, "be ready Phoebe!" The puck drops and I explode to get it.  Eleven minutes past of pure intensity. I receive a pass from my teammate. I stickhandle around a defender and now its just me and the goalie.  I here my bench counting down from 5.  I lean on my stick and fire it.  I close my eyes in hope to here cheers, and thats just what I heard.  "The game winning goal scored by number eleven, Phoebe Day!" the announcer belts out to everyone.  I go into the locker room feeling as happy as ever.

2 comments:

  1. Phoebe,
    I like this story a lot, but I think you could play with the sentence structure to make the piece of writing flow smoother. It must have been a great game. :)
    -Lindsay

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with Lindsay. I also noticed a capitalization error in line 3.

    ReplyDelete