My nose slowly freezes in the cold
Ice begins to form all upon my face
The drink in my hand I can hardly hold
My bodies warmth is gone without a trace
My thick coat can barely keep me warm
Snow crunches beneath my feet as I walk
Inside my nostrils ice begins to form
My lips are so chapped, I can’t seem to talk
I shiver, my arms crossed across my chest
My teeth rattle so hard inside my head
So cold! I wish I had a heated vest
My only wish is to be in my bed!
I pray the cold will soon leave us behind
So please oh Lord, hear my plea and be kind!
Noa?
ReplyDeleteI feel like this could be stronger. Play with verbs and stuff but I love the idea....especially the desperation at the end. -Liz
ReplyDeleteI like, "The drink in my hand I can hardly hold." I recommend playing with punctuation, the verbs, etc. I really like this poem, and I can definitely relate.
ReplyDelete-Lindsay
Agreed! I feel like this could be stronger and you could play with it! I can relate to it! Get some strong words in there!
ReplyDeleteThis is a sonnet, I believe? Remember not to sacrifice high quality words for the sake of fitting in a structure.
ReplyDelete